What Red Flags You Should Look for in Dating?

Our lives are enriched by human connections. Feeling loved and feeling connected are important for our mental health. But not all relationships are good for us. Some relationships can be harmful. They can actually make our lives worse, not better. Some are toxic and should be avoided. It is important to recognize the red flags during the initial stage of dating itself, but what are the red flags that you should look for in your date?

The internet has dubbed character traits like bad grammar and not drinking chai as red flags (you’ve seen the memes). And let me tell you; personally, someone who correctly uses the words “your” and “you’re” and is a chai addict just like me is a walking green flag for me. That reminds me of our article what green flags you should look for in dating, do check it out if you want to know if your relationship with your partner is a healthy one!

Jokes aside, some legit red flags really shouldn’t be ignored.

Yes, keeping a relationship involves sacrifice or compromise; However, you shouldn’t abandon your dreams and desires or put your happiness at the back of the pack. If you’re just beginning to fall in love, issues can be difficult to ignore or miss, but they’re generally easily visible.

What are the red flags in a relationship?

If you’ve played “Red Flag or Deal Breaker” with your friends, you’re aware that certain “red flags” are totally subjective. Most of the time, they’re specific to every person’s “values, desires, and preferences.”(For instance, not being religious can be a problem to one person but entirely unimportant for someone else.)

What we see as a red flag could change as time passes, and what is a red flag today might not be one tomorrow, and vice versa. However, some common red flags that people report have to do with communication, values, and judgment.

Sometimes we are given an indication, whether through someone’s words or actions, that they’re not prepared to be in a relationship or not ready to enter a relationship with you. 

It’s normal for us to overlook the red flags when overwhelmed by love; people can be emotionally charged and ignore the red flags in the beginning or find a way to deceive themselves into lessening the impact because sometimes they just don’t want to face reality. Other times, they just miss them if their picker is off or they lack boundaries. Sometimes they only come to the forefront after the relationship has ended. You can see them in hindsight, and many people realize the warnings were there.

Here are some universal negative behaviors common in modern dating that, according to experts, should sound alarms. Although some of them can be dealt with through the help of communication (depending on what they are and how you feel about them), others, like any kind of abuse, should be considered dealbreakers — aka exit the relationship as soon as possible.

Love bombing

Love bombing is one of the most serious relationships red flags. This is when your partner gets very invested in you early on. The love bomber is a form of manipulation. They talk about your future and make grandiose declarations. But then they pull away, leaving you feeling brokenhearted. This is a common behavior among narcissists. It also goes hand in hand with other harmful relationships such as gaslighting and emotional abuse.

Social media obsession

Social media and social networks have become so inundated that it is hard to keep track of who you are following and what they post. This can indicate that the person is self-absorbed or insecure.

Communication problems

Communication is an essential pillar of any relationship. We all know this. If your partner is absent, or doesn’t listen to you when you speak, or doesn’t reply to your messages or texts, it could be a sign they are distracted or disconnected. Step 1: Talk to your partner and try to understand their communication styles.

Controlling jealousy

It is common for a couple to be jealous sometimes. Still, if your partner becomes controlling or possessive about your plans, clothes, social life, and friendships, it could indicate emotional abuse.

Negative relationships with family and friends

A lack of familial relationships or talking poorly about friends and family may be cause for concern, especially if these things are important to you. You should give your partner the benefit of the doubt and ask them why it is happening before making a decision. While their upbringing may have made it difficult for them to be close with their family, they’ve worked hard to cultivate a strong “chosen family” in their circle of friends.

Extreme emotions

Unmanageable emotions or a tendency to fly off the handle are red flags. If someone responds with uncontrollable anger or “silent treatment,” it could indicate future abusive (physical and emotional) behavior. On the other hand, a lack of empathy may mean they’re void of emotion and care. 

Substance abuse or alcoholism

You may be dating someone who has a problem with alcohol. In this instance, a serious conversation is the first step. It’s a dealbreaker if your partner refuses to get help for their binging problem. If your partner can recognize the problem and gets help, it could strengthen your relationship.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting has become a hot topic in modern-day dating. It basically means they blame you for what they did or hold you accountable for how they responded to a situation. Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that can make you feel insecure and doubt your sanity. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts and get out of the relationship.

Abhorrent behavior

Although some red flags are examples of emotional abuse, but if someone verbally, emotionally, or physically abuses you or puts your life in danger, they should be removed as soon as possible. These are red flags that shouldn’t be addressed in a relationship, and itt is not a red signal that you are in danger but a stop sign.