How do you tell if your partner is cheating? If you ask the same question, you probably think you’re being the victim of infidelity or, at minimum, there is something wrong with your relationship. Cheating signs appear distinct in each relationship naturally; however, there are a few common threads you can detect. The first and most important thing is that: If your gut suggests that your spouse is cheating, you might be accurate.
But, you must find some evidence before confronting your partner regarding their conduct. The most common signs of infidelity you should look for are:
Changes in communication.
Communication issues are not a good sign. If you’re unable to convince your spouse to speak (or even argue) in a way that you can, don’t seem to be sharing the day’s events with you, or the phrases “I love you” are not spoken anymore, there’s probably a root cause. The signs of infidelity may include them not listening to what you say, altering the topic to avoid an uncomfortable subject, storming off without a word, coming up with reasons not to talk, does not want to answer questions, making accusations rather than talking about the current problem, and acts in a passive-aggressive manner.
Appearance and hobbies.
Taking good care of yourself and dedicating yourself to new hobbies or even your job is a good thing; however, when it is coupled with other suspect behaviors such as the ones listed below, it could be the reason for concern.
- Your spouse is dressed more elegantly or is showing a sudden rise in the amount of interest they show in their appearance.
- Your spouse takes up an interest that demands only a couple of hours of commitment daily. If you are interested in their new pursuit, but their response is ambiguous, or they dismiss you.
- Your spouse is working more and longer hours at work.
Use of a computer or phone in secret.
Cheaters typically utilize their devices and phones more frequently than they did previously, and they are more careful as if their lives are on it. If your partner’s smartphone and laptop didn’t require the use of a password before, but they now do, it’s not a positive indication. If your partner suddenly begins sorting out messages and deleting their browsing history regularly, it’s not a great indication. If your partner isn’t willing to give up their phone or even bring it to the bathroom while they shower, it’s not a good sign. If you ask them to check their phone and they refuse, that’s an issue too. Honestly, what could possibly be there — other than information about your surprise birthday — that they would want to keep secret?
There are times when your significant other is not reachable.
If you suspect your partner of cheating on you, they’re less likely to take your calls or respond to your messages. You might hear legitimate excuses that they were in the middle of a meeting, driving, or they were in a “dead zone” and didn’t realize you wanted to contact them if you are unable to reach your partner when they are working late or during a business trip it’s a red flag.
Significantly less, or more, or different sex in the relationship.
In both cases, the decrease and increase in sexual activities within your relationship could indicate infidelity. The reason you have less sex is as your partner is seeing someone else; more sexual activity occurs due to their efforts to hide that. Another sign that cheating may be present is that the sexual relationship that you with your partner have has a less emotional connection. Another possible indicator may be the fact that your spouse is infusing new strategies and routines into your sex life. Although you might enjoy it, they’re likely developing new techniques outside the relationship.
Your partner is hostile toward you and your relationship.
Cheaters are prone to justify their actions, and one of the ways they do this is by blaming the victim. They say that you’re not looking like you did when they got married to them, aren’t too adventurous in your bedroom, or do not appreciate the amazing things they offer you, so they’re entitled to some fun.
Their internal justifications for cheating often leak out, and they behave judgmentally toward you and your relationship. If it seems that everything you do is wrong or that things that did not bother your spouse suddenly bother them and you feel like you’re being pushed aside, it could be an indicator of cheating.
An altered schedule.
If your spouse who never worked late suddenly has to work late, which is happening every day, it could be because they’re lying. If your spouse hasn’t been away for a business trip and suddenly has a need to travel for work, it could indicate that they’re having weekends away with an affair partner. Tires that are flat, dead batteries or traffic jams, longer time at the gym, or excuses to be late or not present entirely could signify an affair. An unfaithful partner could suddenly forget about picking up the children, birthdays, or other important dates and other important events.
Friends are uneasy with you.
In case of an affair, you, the victim, are almost always the last to learn about it. The cheater’s friends are often aware of the affair from the beginning, and your own friends will likely discover the truth much earlier than you find it out. The knowledge of this usually causes people to be uneasy with you. The cheater’s buddies may attempt to stay away from you or be overly friendly to you. Your own friends might be trying to keep a distance from the conversation about your relationship, and they may compensate by being nicer.
If you see strange charges on the credit card, or if there’s an abrupt decrease in funds in either of your account at the bank, retirement accounts, or investment accounts. This could be an indicator of infidelity. If you ask your partner about these expenses and they don’t have a good answer, then it’s likely they’re untrue. Infidelity can cost money through gifts, travel, wine and hotels, dinners, and so on. The cost of cheating could be very high. If you observe huge cash withdrawals, as well as evidence of purchase at locations you don’t often visit, it’s not a positive sign.
The intimacy between you both has diminished.
After a while, there isn’t a relationship that’s as strong as it was during the initial few months. However, we tend to form bonds and securely bond as time passes, and we learn to trust one another in our secrets, needs, and other aspects of our daily lives. This is known as establishing an emotional closeness. Intimacy is what keeps us connected to our partner long after the bloom is off the rose, so to speak.
Suppose your spouse suddenly appears less vulnerable emotionally and intimate with you and doesn’t want to be vulnerable and intimate. In that case, that indicates that their attention has changed towards another relationship.
When you ask about cheating, your partner deflects and avoids it.
When your partner is cheating, the very worst thing they’d like to talk about is discussing the matter with you. If you mention the subject in conversation, you might be able to hide and avoid it. In other words, your partner will do all they can to lead you away from the issue or shift the blame on what you’re thinking onto you.
If you’ve spoken to your spouse regarding infidelity, only to be rebuffed or perhaps with a note such as, “If you trusted me a little more, maybe things would be better between us,” you must not let that trump your instinctual sense that something is not right within your marriage. Don’t automatically believe your partner’s claim that they are the ones to blame. As we’ve stated before, if your instincts tell you that your partner is cheating on you, then you’re likely right.
Note: However, your significant other could show all these signs, remain innocent, and not cheat. These all indicate that something is wrong in their lives and/or your relationship.
It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other to talk about. In the same way, you may find that your partner is doing nothing to show any of these indications and still be involved in being a cheater.
If you discover that your partner is cheating on you, we strongly recommend not being left on your own with the information. Talk to a trusted person or therapist if you aren’t comfortable speaking to your partner. Do not be alone with your worries and emotions; reach out to someone.